Accept Not-Knowing
You Don't Have To Know Everything
Need to know
The information age is exhausting. You don’t have to know, it’s okay.
When I was growing up in the 80’s, it was a little different. You couldn’t just reach in your pocket and find something out, or confirm an assumption, affirm a belief, prove someone wrong, or check a definition. But the expectation to know was still there.
Education
That’s what school is for. They want you to know. They teach you so you can know, and you’re rewarded for having the answer, being fast with it, and asserting your knowledge. Knowledge has been revered for a long time. Intuition has not.
Women were burned at the stake, cats were killed, and people were accused of alchemy for doing something that didn’t make sense to those who thought they knew what was possible, or how it was possible to do something.
The following of authority is the denial of intelligence.
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
This is not new, this crazy expectation for people to learn and know and regurgitate. And don’t get me started on microlearning. You’re not really learning on TikTok. You’re enjoying yourself, fine, but let’s not try to justify the endless scrolling by saying you got a fact about Saturn. That’s silly. And it’s not useful. But it is interesting - entertaining. Being open and learning is useful, keeping the data in your head is not…not necessarily. We’ll get to that.
Truth
There is no universal truth, as I’ve said before - more here and here if you’re interested. Reality is truth. And that’s so much better than what you think you know. Feedback from the world is truth. You jump over a wall, you bang your knee and truth comes pouring in. Thank you, wall, that is true knowledge.
Nature is the source of all true knowledge.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Leonardo da Vinci believed that knowledge is the true master, or mistress. Knowledge, and let’s be clear, what he meant was experience, is what really shows us what’s going on. Not words on a page or a screen.
When you are fitful about the next graphite mark or brush stroke there is no other choice than action. And you get feedback like a comic trying out a new joke. Or even a comic being overly confident about a joke that killed before, and know she’s realizing that she didn’t “know” the joke as well as she thought she did.
Maybe it was the crowd that night, maybe it was the preceding joke, maybe it was the delivery, or was it the fear in the crowd that heard it, or the fear in the comic without the confidence that the joke will land?
Doubt
Doubt is healthy. Skepticism is good. It keeps us humble to assume that we don’t know it all. When we have that mentality we give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s egotistical to think that you’re right and the other is wrong. Healthy doubt can save you embarrassment.
Doubt is also problematic. Doubt, like self-doubt, is a lack of something - not sure how to put it. Maybe it’s lack of belief, or a dip in self-worth, or is it self-concept, or self-esteem, or simply anxiety. I don’t want to get into that here, but self-doubt is not really what I’m getting at. Doubt that you know something isn’t self-doubt.
I know one thing, that I know nothing.
- Socrates
Because you don’t know everything. Can you actually know anything? Can you absolutely know? If you answered yes to both, then go check your hubris, my friend. Maybe self-doubt is good for you. Let’s not be overly confident, because that’s not confidence, that’s conceit. There’s a difference. That’s arrogance.
Doubt means uncertainty. When we doubt we are saying we don’t know. That’s healthy, it’s a good thing. It’s supposing that you don’t know. It flies in the face of those who would have you put your faith in them or their findings. It’d rather find out for myself. In fact, that’s the essence of martyrdom. To be told, and to put your hand in the fire anyway.
Knowing
Intuition
Sometimes you just know. You just feel it. This is where the scientific folks get off the bus. I encourage you to stay, but if you must go, then see ya. I’m very skeptical, very scientifically minded, but sometimes I just know. Sometimes I’m absolutely sure that my cat wants salmon.
Sometimes I’m sure that when my wife and I said the same thing at the same time when we were sitting on the couch, somehow I knew that she was going to say that. The other night I was saying, “do you remember when . . . “ and she offered up topic for me. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but she referred to the time, the person, whatever the specific thing was that I was about to reminder her about - and she had no way to know that.
Meditation is self-knowledge.
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
There was no context in the former part of the conversation to give her any hints. She had no way of knowing what I was going to talk about. There was no cue that my mind was going there. It’s like she picked it up out of the ether.
You know when you sort of finish each others’ sentences, but it’s because for some reason every time you have Indian food you think about that time you went to Nazare? Well, that’s association. So every time we get Indian take out, there’s a chance I might say, “do you remember that time we . . . “ and my wife would say “went to Portugal?” and I would have absolutely no reason to doubt why she would say that. Because she knows me.
But sometimes you just know, and there’s no explaining it. I know my cats well, and it’s clear when they’re hungry vs some other need. You learn the cues, but don’t ask me why certain “thoughts” arrive in our heads. Sometimes we just know. And there’s no amount of study that allows us access to that information. That’s the intuition giving us knowledge.
Finding out
Wisdom
Wisdom is knowing, but it doesn’t originate from your mind. Wisdom arrives in the mind, but I don’t know that it comes from us. Wisdom is a type of intelligence that is given to you, it seems. You’ve connected the dots, you’ve done the work, you’ve thought it through and now you have access to further knowledge.
Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom.
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
But I don’t think it’s just you connecting the dots. I know, you learned the things, and now there is a bridge connecting those data points. But I don’t think that comes from you. I think that’s in the ether. I think there is access to knowledge, though intelligence, when there is clarity, that gives you wisdom.
I don’t think it makes sense to call someone wise any more than it does to call them a genius. There are no geniuses. There is genius, but let’s not allow hubris to get the better of us. There’s too much of that. There’s too much emphasis on the individual.
Turn your phone off
See what happens. See what comes. What conversations do you have? The next time you leave your house, leave your phone on the table. If you’re as old as me, you remember knowing your way around. Not relying on GPS. That’s a great skill to keep going.
See what conversations you have. What people do you talk to that you wouldn’t normally regard or engage. Do you feel less safe without your phone? If so, why? Is it because there are more people or less people? Do you feel you’ll get lost? Are you afraid of getting lost?
Healthy fear is the truth.
- Martha Beck
Are you afraid of being alone? If you’re going on a hike, are you more likely to bring your phone or less? There’s perhaps more danger of you needing to crawl out with a sprained ankle, but will there be reception to call for help if you go alone? Or do you fear missing a text from work or a chat message from friends and family?
Access to information
What you miss when you turn off your phone, or when the battery dies, is not the feeling of connection, it’s access to information. We want to know, because knowing makes us feel safe. What we feel when we connect with people on our phones or on the internet, is really the connection with ourselves. That’s the most important thing.
Our technology is great. And it gives us greater connection to others in SOME ways. Not in better ways than before 1996, and I would argue, in worse ways. Overall. In worse ways because of the way we use all of the information and communication tools in our lives.
When you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
Sitting in someone’s living room used to be a thing. We had two living rooms. We didn’t even call either one a living room. One was the drawing room, and the other was the den. The den was a cozy family room where we would have a fire, watch the TV, talk, and relax. The drawing room was the living room closest to the front door so guests could come straight in after entering. And it connected directly to the dining room. So you could entertain and have your kitchen and den and other private spaces to yourself. If someone needed the toilet, they would go through the kitchen or go upstairs, or whatever. No problem.
Know who you are
Access to ourselves
We were able to have people in our space and connect with them with a drawing room, which is a semi-public space. And we had a deeper connection with our selves because of the more private spaces. Levels of depth. That’s what we need. Not this full exposure to our time where anyone can text after work and expect work answers. They can email and wait. Not this unlimited access to our lives in such an intimate way. We